The Differences Between a Man and a Woman
By Josh H. on Feb 22, 2007 in Life
Names
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other
Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark , Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as
Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
Eating Out
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it’s only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Money
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need, but it’s on sale.
Bathrooms
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, a
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Arguments
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that… is the beginning of a new argument.
The Future
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Success
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Marriage
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.
Dressing Up
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Natural
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Offspring
Ah,children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and
romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
There! That should stir up some interesting discussion.
Josh H.
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Wow, Josh! I didn’t know that you and Z had already written ya’lls talk for Z’s weekend! Good thing it’s not your anniversary anytime soon!
Heather | Feb 23, 2007 | Reply
I must make mention of how Z doesn’t like to dress up for funeral wakes. However, her husband makes her. Great post. We will definitely be discussing this tonight.
Lauren | Feb 23, 2007 | Reply
Okay, I posted a comment a few minutes ago. Why isn’t it showing? Oh well, one more time…
I must point out two flaws in this post:
Eating Out - If I am at dinner with three guys and they each throw $20 down on the table and refuse to admit they need change, I would not join in and also throw down $20. No, I’d take their $60, give the waitress $40, tell her to keep the change, and pocket the rest. Not only would I get to eat for free, but I’d also be $20 richer.
Money - I would not pay $2 for a $1 item I need. I would get one of my “$20 dinner friends” to also buy something for $1, watch him throw down another $20, take his money to pay for his $1 item and my $1 item, and then keep the remaining $18.
The rest of your post was dead on, though, Josh.
kev | Feb 23, 2007 | Reply
Sorry, Kev. Your comment didn’t show up because Wordpress thought it might be spam. I don’t know why, you’ve commented a million times on here (ok, maybe not “a million”).
But it’s all good. I “de-spammed” ya!
Josh H. | Feb 24, 2007 | Reply